Flashback!

It's 24 minutes into the 31st year of my life. September 18th in this foul year of our Lord 2010. What I'm thinking about now is not the future but the past...Ten years ago, almost to the second, I hit that magical age of 21. And that's what I'm thinking about.

I generally don't get all sentimental and philosophical in moments like these, but I can't help it with this one. Ten years ago today, I was sitting in a bar called The Booth (without a doubt one of the greatest bars to ever grace this Earth) in Tuscaloosa, AL, drinking God knows what (I'd bet good money on bourbon and coke) with my brother Matthew and one of my best friends, Matt. After The Booth closed for the night, we stumbled up University Boulevard to the BP where I, for the first time, legally bought a whole mess of booze. It was, if I remember correctly, a lot of Blue Moon beer. We then proceeded to [censored for all parties concerned although keep in mind it was college and experimenting and smoking things and what not was accepted and don't tell my parents] and drank beer and watched "Apocalypse Now" til the wee hours of the morning. I dimly recall being really drunk and eating quite a lot of leftover Lai Lai rice (Oh, Lai Lai...another Tuscaloosa landmark that I'll never forget. Unlike The Booth, however, Lai Lai has persevered to give another generation of college kids much needed sustenance).

Fast forward to the next morning. I awoke feeling not too bad, and actually feeling somewhat responsible for having the wherewithal to even attempt going to class the day after my 21st birthday. In retrospect, I was still wasted. Long story short, I sipped ice water, battled the hot and cold sweats, and fought the urge to vomit...all before the professor walked in the door. In no time, I was safely back in bed, feeling like Death incarnate, and throwing up. A lot.

Now, ten years later, I realize I was simply another college kid celebrating his God-given right to waste his life and abuse his liver. And I'm still doing it. You know who I blame for this? That fucking clerk at the BP on University Boulevard in Tuscaloosa, AL. I can't even remember if she carded me or not. But I know she ruined my life...it's all her fault, not mine, that I drink every day. Hey, BP clerk from a decade ago...Fuck You.

Conversation (Part 2)

"So what's the deal with you and S?"

Silence. Awkward. Uncomfortable.

"Nothing. There isn't a deal...in fact there's less than nothing going on and that's the freaking problem. I'm fucking crazy about her...she's all I think about. Ever. I dream about her. And I'm not talking dirty, nasty sex dreams-I'm talking nice, sweet dreams where we're sitting on the couch holding hands. I actually dreamed that! I honestly don't see how everyone isn't totally in love with her. I mean, S is perfect. Fucking perfect. Unimprovable by God or man. I swear, if God himself descended from Heaven with a divine Etch-A-Sketch and gave me the opportunity to create the perfect woman, all for me, whatever I wanted, looks, personality, sense of humor, passion...all of those things custom tailored by me for me, the perfectly suited girl of my dreams, I'd hand it back and say 'Thanks, but no thanks, God. You've already made this.'"

"Wow...well, good luck."

"Yeah. I need all the help I can get."

Conversation (Part 1)

"So does your boyfriend know that when he's not around you refer to him as your 'friend'?"
Staring. She wasn't expecting that.
"Because if I were ole Wilson, I don't think I'd like that."
"How do you know Wilson?"
"We met a few weeks ago at trivia night. I figured he told you."
"Well, what did you think?"
Pause. Thinking.
"I really can't see how my opinion matters much here..."
More staring. Expecting.
"Okay, look, I know this is none of my business, and I realize you're probably gonna think I'm an asshole...but what the Hell are you doing with this guy? Some cocky, arrogant, full of himself douchebag...I mean, he had a front tuck for God's sake! Maybe he was just drunk but...he was talking to other girls, he was saying that one time you and him were trying to do the lost distance thing and he called it 'a holiday.' He called being away from you, you of all people, a fuckin' holiday. I can't believe you're not smart enough to see right through this guy and blow this schmuck outta the water...There's no way he's treating you the way a girl like you deserves to be treated. There's just no way."
Silence.
Me staring. Expecting. Hoping.

Daily Haiku

I'm going to be an
astronaut so I get all
the 'tang that I want.

Crossword

I've been doing a lot of crossword puzzles lately. A lot. I think this fact is due to my new leather chairs. They make me feel smart, particularly when there's a fire in the fireplace. Anyway, I finally schlepped my ass up to the bookstore tonight and got a book of the New York Times crosswords. The cover tells me in big letters they're "Easy!"

I really don't expect to ever finsish them all, and if the clerk at the bookstore had asked me if that was my intention I would've said, "Hell, no." Wait, I take that back...I would have told the clerk my answer was 2 words, 6 letters, and the clue was "Emphatically negative (slang)."

Update

Decided not to give up. Spread the good news and pay no attention to previous entry. As you were.