Superhero, Supercharged, or Super-screwed?

So one of three things is happening: I'm either a superhero, or I've become the mysterious source of an electromagnetic field even I don't understand, or my new car and my new shoes are in league against me. Let me explain...

Around two months ago, I was involved in a three car wreck, completely totaling my car (a "total loss" as the insurance folks would say). In one of those strokes of luck that comes around less than Haley's Comet, I had just purchased a new car and somehow wasn't driving it that day. So it would seem everything was going to work out and return to normal: no one was injured, the wreck wasn't my fault so the insurance check I received could be applied towards the new car's payments, and life would ceaselessly march on without incident. Or would it?

Flash forward a few weeks from the accident. I was going to work. Or I was going to get some beer. Or buy groceries. Or I was going to a crackhouse downtown to smoke PCP until my eyes bled. It doesn't matter where I was going, it was what happened as I reached down to open the door that is important. I got shocked. Bad. This was no mere tingle you get from wearing your fuzzy rabbit slippers around the house then touching a doorknob. This hurt. And I could see it. One time in college, my roommate and I were kicking the hacky sack around our living room and, whilst lunging to save the hack, I accidentally kicked one of those three extra outlet things we had plugged in. I swear blue flame shot out of the wall for a whole foot. The shock I received that day by my car wasn't that extreme, but it's definitely in the same ballpark. And it kept happening. Leaving work, leaving the gas station, leaving the grocery store, leaving the crackhouse, I continued getting shocked and it continued to hurt.

Naturally, I began to wonder why this new affliction was being visited on me. It was then that I began to formulate a few theories. What I came up with was the three possibilities above. I would like, if you'll indulge me, to discuss each one in the hopes that we can reach some conclusion together. So...

It occurred to me that I might be a superhero just a few days ago when I was unlocking my mail box. There was an audible pop and a blue light flashed as I put my little key to the lock. It was the same electric shock that had been happening as I touched my car. I know now how Doc Brown felt when he first conceived of the flux capacitor. For at that moment I accepted my role as a superhero. It all became clear: Somehow my wreck had bestowed upon me the power of electricity. Aren't most superheroes and villains born out of a dramatic or traumatic event? Surely a near death experience such as a car wreck has the right ingredients to spawn a super power, right? Obviously my power is being charged with electricity. Like an eel. Which leads to all kinds of decisions...what will my name be? How will I dress? Should I try to work cheesy electric jokes into my conversations like Vincent Price did when he played the Egg guy villain in the original Batman show? Maybe I could be the dreaded Electric Eel guy, slithering around with a faint phosphorous light kicking ass and fighting crime. Or, maybe I'm not a superhero. After all, who's ever heard of a superhero that doesn't know how to harness his own power? For all I know, I'm not Eel Guy at all, but something lame like the Human Generator: bound by duty to travel the night providing power to hurricane victims. It might be time to look at other possibilities.

So I'm not a superhero. I've accepted that now. But from whence and why has this mysterious electric field decided to surround me? Why does my mailbox and car continually try to shock me? I don't recall growing up directly under power lines and to the best of my knowledge, my current apartment isn't built on a former nuclear test site. Perhaps the ghost of Louie the Lightning Bug is trying to warn me of an impending tragedy? Who knows...there simply doesn't seem to be a logical explanation to this whole thing. Unless...

I guess it's that time to explore the possibility that nothing supernatural or superhero-esque is going on. Let's talk about my shoes. A few weeks ago (right around the time the shocks began, come to think of it) I bought a new pair of shoes. They're pretty plain looking: grey slip-ons with a fuzzy, fleece-lined interior. They're super comfortable, especially the fuzzy insides; it's like wearing house shoes all the time. They're almost as comfortable as the seats in my new car. Come to think of it, they're kind of fuzzy too. I haven't gotten completely used to them yet, so I generally have to squirm around a bit before settling in. All the squirming sometimes makes little crackling noises and makes my hair stand up. But what can all that have to do with me being electrified? Let me think...so I have fuzzy shoes, fuzzy car seats, I seem to get shocked and shock other things directly after being in the car...crap. I thought I had it but I lost it. There's obviously no connection here. Now that I give it more than two seconds of thought, it actually seems rather absurd that I would have even considered it possible that my shoes or the fabric in my car could be the source of friction, building up static electricity in a kinetic state, waiting to come into contact with a metal surface. I mean, put the dunce hat on me because that makes no sense at all!

I guess I was right the first time. I'm a Superhero.